posted October 2, 2006 at 18:06 EST in Other Articles

Dustin the porn stud!

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Alright, prepare yourselves, people. We’ve finally found something that tops the absolutely infamous Pam/Tommy admiration sex tape. (***Warning: those with weak stomachs please refrain from reading on….)

Unfortunately, it involves someone with a skinny, glaringly white butt, and (count’em!!) two women (one of whom goes by the name of Dirty Sanchez.) Way to go, Screech!! I guess that even years after the last episode of “Saved By The Bell,” you have finally one-upped ol’Zach!! Floundering with a dead career can really wreck havoc on a man’s esteem. But, I guess that this is proof that money really CAN buy happiness (or, a career resurrection, but who wants to split hairs….) So, in a desperate attempt to finally rid himself of the nerdy stereotype that has been haunting him (and us) for years, a copy of Dustin Diamonds’ (doesn’t it just scream porn star??) 40-minute sex tape has now “somehow” gotten into the hands of the same producer that had discovered Pam and Tommy.

At first, he coyly denied the rumors, deflecting the blame on his many years of being on “around cameras”; and strangely, the multitude of Screech fans out there, who apparently have a craving to see him contorted in a bubble bath….(cringe). Trying diligently to hide his grin, he finally admitted his guilt a short time later. Fortunately, for your viewing pleasure, we here at BetUS.com have the top bid and are in the process of  acquiring the sole rights to this blessed piece of ass…umm, cinema.

So, keep your eyes peeled—it seems that you just might be lucky enough to get your own private viewing of what might be this decade’s most sought after bloopers. Come on, I dare you!! (**Note: we do not take responsibility for any mental anguish incurred by such chance viewing….)

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